May 14, 2009

• Graduation and Beyond

  Graduation is finally coming up and I'm ecstatic about it. Even though I've technically already graduated, I'm excited to walk across the stage and receive my diploma. I'll have finally accomplished something meaningful in my life. Everything up to now hasn't really mattered much. But once I walk across that stage, I'll seem that much smarter to people. Take for instance, interviews. You're treated with much more respect if you have a high school diploma listed on your application. It's funny how much depends on a simple piece of paper. I think if I was to write a graduation speech, I'd end it by saying "We suffered through 13 years of school and all we got was a piece of paper with our name on it". Not very witty or insightful, but the truth.

  It's a weird feeling, knowing that I have most of my future already planned out yet one little pebble in the road could spell disaster. The what-ifs often keep me up at night. What if something doesn't go according to plan? I'm not a very "on my feet" thinker. I like everything planned out, and everything going according to plan. I'm not sure if I could deal if my plans went awry. I'd probably have some kind of mental breakdown and end up in the psych ward. I hate how much I fear the unknown.

  One of my friends put up a post in their journal about how they often lie to themselves, which leads to lying to others. I'm guilty of that. I think I'm often so scared of the truth, that I have to lie to myself as a defense mechanism. Eventually, I tell the lie to myself so much that I began to inadvertently lie to others. I don't mean to lie to them, I just can't remember what the real truth is anymore. I get lost in the lies that I lost what was true in the first place.

  I'm not sure why, but I keep writing these really late at night... So I have to get some sleep before I go tutor tomorrow. Adios amigos (y amigas). Esperamos verle de nuevo.

  • 2:43 am
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